For 10 months, my dear brother-in-law lived with terminal cancer. He went into hospice care in early April and passed away two weeks later. He was 71.
Being vegan has not only helped me to cope with the knowledge of his impending death, but to find a new level of patience and calm in the face of the staggering depth of emotions this tragic situation triggered.
The two most profound experiences of one’s life – between the continuous wonder and amazing up-and-down nature of living – are birth and death.
Bearing witness has been heartbreaking at times but, ultimately, an honor and a privilege.
Everyone loses loved ones – from family and friends who die well before their lives have fully blossomed, to those who pass on suddenly in mid-life, as well as the elderly who are expected to, inevitably, move on at a certain point. No matter who we lose or when or how it happens, the pain is considerable.
I have always been highly emotional or “overly sensitive” (as I was regularly told). Maturity made it a bit less excruciating to handle my feelings, but they remained challenging to navigate with any semblance of grace, perspective or self-control.
Seven-and-a-half years ago, when I adopted a vegan lifestyle, my roller-coaster existence began to taper off and a more consistent balance gradually evolved. One of the biggest changes is in the way I interact with family members.
There are pockets of dysfunction in relationships that can rise up on any given day – much less when tragedy strikes. Instead of screaming into the abyss, I have been able to visit and engage with various family members – including those I was estranged from – and be more comfortable in my skin, more tolerant, less judgmental or defensive. This composure and ease are a direct result of veganism: the kinder nourishment of my body, my mind, my soul and my home have added to an ever-increasing sense of gratitude.
When we remove much of the harm we have contributed to (knowingly or unknowingly) by no longer ingesting, using or wearing animals or their by-products, I believe that enormous feelings of freedom and relaxation flow through us because we have cleansed the pain and suffering of these innocent creatures from our physical, mental and emotional selves, allowing for greater insight, compassion, acceptance and humility, as well as a stronger ability to be present and to listen.
Veganism opened my eyes and, in so doing, enabled me to better understand and be supportive of my family while taking comfort in their devotion to my brother-in-law.
Veganism has given me greater peace of mind in my daily life but it has also blessed me with a profoundly unexpected gift: the ability to grieve gently, with more generosity of spirit.
Barbara Becker received her VLCE certification from Main Street Vegan Academy in November 2013 and followed up with the first Master Class VLCE in June 2017. She is also a Reiki Master, actress and musician.
Barbara that was so beautiful and profound. We do indeed gain more generosity of spirit living a vegan life. Thank you for sharing that insight and love.
Thanks so much, Sande, for your kind words. They are a comfort.
I am currently dealing with my sister who is actively dying. It is so painful to witness and to embody.
I thank you for your grace and willingness to go deeper into the grace that choosing Veganism offers us as we approach dying.
I wondered if being vegan made me even more sensitive to the pain and suffering around me, you have offered me some good food for thought,
Thank you
Sandra – my heart aches for you because of what I have experienced with my brother in law. Being there and offering whatever love and support you can will help your sister and everyone else to cope, and in turn, I think it will help you. The pain and sadness is unavoidable but being a witness is a complex yet ultimately powerful and important act as you go forward. It doesn’t take the pain away but allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel it may bring a sense of calm to ease your way. Sending love and healing Reiki energy to you and yours.????
Hi Sandra – I sent a reply to you last week but am not sure if it went through but I wanted to thank you for your kind words and also tell you how sorry I am to hear about your sister. I hope that veganism will help you move through this heartbreaking time for you and your family and friends. I do think as vegans, we do become more sensitive/aware of everything around us, which can bring as much pleasure as pain at times, but the support and love of those who care for you and for her will help. Sending healing Reiki energy to you and yours.
You are so right that it is a honour and a privilege to bear witness to the last days of someone’s journey on this earth, and with that comes such great peace and acceptance.
It is small wonder that your veganism has given you so much. It is a daily practice of compassion towards self and others.
Love and light x
Thank you, Nadia. Veganism has helped me in so many ways but ultimately, in the most personally difficult and profound time, I discovered a better part of myself because everything else fades away in terms of the trivial or petty and a deeper love and compassion can move you forward to find new strength that one might never have known he or she had. Thanks again for your kind words.
Thanks, Nadia. I also don’t know if my reply to you last week went through but hope so. Thank you for your kind words. Sending you love and positive, healing Reiki energy.